There were several technical errors. xxx video hd work on your structuring and this could be a very good story.BigDoug35Report 2011-02-07 12:11:11Your structure is sloppy. The structure was diffucult to read. The structure was diffucult to read. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. You need some paragraphs and more story flow.anonymous readerReport 2011-02-04 20:35:16Not much dialoge. . . . . . …«1» There were several technical errors. I suggest paragraphs, and better dialogue structuring could help the readed wuite a bit. 5 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2012-12-25 17:19:55Decent story, but there are several quite obvious spelling mistakes, the structure of the writing is sloppy and the story doesn’t quite flow as it seems to jump from one bit to another, like you got bored of writing that part and moved on…anyway maybe you should get someone else to read it as it could be a whole lot better if you revised it with someone.
